French People Still Bitter for Being Bailed out of Two World Wars

Okay get over it. Lance won your race. Seven times. In a row. He's an arrogant jerk. He abandoned his wife who stood by him while he went through chemo. And he has an advantage because his body doesn;t process pain the same way the rest of us do. But shut the fuck up about doping. I'm sorry you couldn't beat him. I'm sorry a frenchy hasn't won the Tour d' France in like 20 years. But you gotta let it go.

I'm not even really a Lance Armstrong fan, I just think this has gotten to the point of absurdity. The tests that recently 'uncovered' 'proof' of Lance doping in 1999 were not even carried out in a legal way. These are leftover samples frozen for six years. They were in fact anonymous, marked only by a number, and were supposed to be tested that way: why they weren't or how armstrong's name was tied to the samples is unknown. The official testing rules require both and A sample and B sample to confirm results, the A sample for these tests have been long since discarded, having been used in 1999 when they were found to contain no illegal substances. The new tests were done without Armstrongs knowledge or approval, both of which are required in the case of a retest of this nature. There is also the issue of Armstrong not being able to defend himself. He certainly cannot produce another 1999 sample.

Lance was tested countless times on the Tour D'France. In fact some reports state he was tested as much as 4 times more than any other rider. Can anybody say Witch Hunt? Lance certainly has. On Larry King last night he said: ".... if your career is riding on the line, wouldn't you want a B sample? The French have been after [me] forever, and 'whoops!' there's no B sample? The stakes are too high."

He's probably the greatest cyclist of all time. He has dominated his sport in a way that only Michael Jordan can understand. And he doesn't need to cheat. The french just need to get over it.

New Flash - Living With Bears is Dangerous

So I love bears. I think they cute and fierce and live in these very interesting family units. But you couldn't pay me a zillion dollars to go live in a bear preserve, as amateur grizzly bear expert and wildlife preservationist Timothy Treadwell did for 13 years. GRIZZLY MAN is Werner Herzog documentry about Treadwell's tragic story, but it is more like a conversation than a history, as Herzog has some fundamental disagreements with his 'protagonists' ideas concerning nature. It's not revealing any big surprise to tell you Treadwell gets eaten by a bear, it's the whole reason behind the film. All the footage of he and the bears was shot during his 13 summers in Alaska, sometimes hand held, sometimes on a tripod so Timothy sould interact on camera with the bears. Herzog interviews other preservationists, friends and family of Treadwell in an attempt to put Treadwell's self-given mission is perspective. He also provides his own analysis of the thousands of hours of film and audio he studied.

Timothy Treadwell was certainly crazy. His on-going commentary with the camera is often hilarious but at other times frightening. I found myself a little uncomfortable in the theater watching the film, not really for the subject matter, but because of the reactions of the people around me. Don't get me wrong, there are many moments the film and Treadwell are very funny, but there are certainly other sequences that are so sad and honest and beautiful that I didn't understand people near me laughing. They were laughing at him - as in look at the retarded kid, lets all laugh at him. Treadwell suffered from severe manic depression, and wouldn't take his medication. He could not find the peace in the world of humans that he found in the world of the bears. He loves the bears. And he tells them, and the camera. Why do we laugh at that? I don't know. But it ruined my experience with this movie, and it made me hate my fellow man just a little bit more. Maybe I got to feel just a little bit of the misanthropy Treadwell felt.

I recommend GRIZZLY MAN for anyone who loves Animal Planet, Documentries, Bears, and hearing really strong german accents (Herzog's). Rick's Rating - B

Huggy Bear Bob sent to roam the wild

University of Cincinnati president Nancy Zimpher was brought an end to an era of NCAA appearances, 25 win seasons, Student-Athelete arrests, and embarrassing drunken episodes by coach Bob Huggins tuesday, giving him 24 hours to accept a buyout or be fired. In sixteen season with the Bearcars, Huggins owns a 399-127 record, was named conference USA coach of the decade (90's), lead U Cin to the final four in 1992, and has put 10 players in the NBA, most natably Kenyon Martin. Impressive resume, no doubt. But the more interesting numbers for the Bearcats always are off the court.

I always joke that it is a good year for the University of Cincinnati if NCAA tourney victories outnumbered player infractions, arrests and suspensions. In recent years, that has been harder to accomplish, with Cincinni often upset in the first or second round despite racking up 25-29 wins in the regular season. Last night Dick Vitale was commending Huggins on graduating 11 of his last 17 players. Bragging? Of course this is in comparison to years of recruiting the most embarrassing scandal-as-athletes the NCAA has seen. Dontonio Wingfield did time for assaulting two cops responding to a call that he was allegedly beating his girlfriend, Donald Little assaulted and allegedly tortured his roommate, Shawn Myrick did time for sexual battery to name a few. Then there is the unforgetable Art Long (famed police horse puncher), the assistant coach (assistant coach???) charged with unethical conduct for "knowingly" violating NCAA rules and providing "false and misleading" testimony to investigators, and the whole program put on probation for 2 years.

Then there was the June 2004 police videotape of Huggins staggering during his field sobriety test that was shown nationally. Huggins pleaded no contest to driving under the influence, attended a three-day intervention program, and was suspended without pay by the university for two months. Problems continued this off-season when freshman Roy Bright was dismissed from the team because he had a gun on campus and Assistant coach Keith LeGree also was arrested and charged with drunken driving. In May, Nancy Zimpher, despite only being at her post for 2 years, notified Huggins that his contract would no longer receive the automatic roll-over it had for years: a power-play that caused university alumni to go into a tizzy, threatening to cancel donations. Zimpher stuck to her guns and upped the ante, offering Huggins a 3 million dollar buyout or immediate termination.

I really hope people stop defending Huggins. The kind of values he espouses have no place in collegiate basketball. His players play like thugz on and off the court and if he was any good as a couch on the court, he would consistently get out of the first weekend of the NCAA tournament and stop losing to teams like Tulsa and West VIrginia, or rather any team from a major conference. This year marks the debut of the Bearcats in the Big East, a 16 team powerhouse that should compete with the ACC all season as the strongest conference. It's a good time to make a change, and I respect Zimpher for doing what is best for the school in the long run, rather than just cater to the alumni.

IN MEMORIAM: Father of the Synthesizer:Robert Moog

Today, Tarkus bows his head in mourning.

One of the guiding lights of electronic music finally faded yesterday as Robert Moog, inventor of the Moog Synthesizer, died at age 71. According to his company's website, Bob died at his home in Asheville, N.C. He was diagnosed with brain cancer in late April 2005.

The MOOG Synthesizer was the first truly successful attempt to generate musical sounds electronically and hit the music world in 1964. The true innovation was the piano-style keyboard (prior synthesizers were all switched and dials). After the incredibly influential SWITCHED ON BACH album by Wendy (Walter) Carlos in 1968 showed what the small, light and versatile machine could do, it was soon embraced by popular musicians searching for a 'new sound.' The Monkees use of the Moog on Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, & Jones, Ltd. actually predated the Beatles use throughout the ABBEY ROAD album. Moog, however, found his biggest salesmen in Keith Emerson whose legendary solo at the end of ELP's first single "Lucky Man," caused sales to skyrocket. Bob Moog liked to tell a the story of his backstage experience during ELP's 1972 US tour, watching Emerson throw knives into his keyboard and having his musician friend call it "the end of the world." Another popular Moog user (and programmer) was Stevie Wonder who won numerous Grammy awards in 1973 for his synthesizer rich TALKING BOOK and in 1974 grabbed the 'Album of the Year' award with yet another Moog tainted album Innervisions. Bernie Worrell of Parliament/Funkadelic was another synthesizer show-man, as well as The Cure, Depeche Mode Duran Duran and Gary Numan.

But the Moog Synthesizer (as well as its followups, the MiniMoog, Micromoog, Minitmoog, Multimoog and Memorymoog) would always be connected with Progressive Rock. Keith Emerson said of the Moog in 2004 "the sound defined progressive music as we know it." The Moog was heard in the music of Genesis, Yes, Pink Floyd, Rush, Vangelis, Santana, Manfred Mann, and Kraftwerk among countless others. The entire cult of the keyboard player rose out of these musicians, showing off their new gear and what it could do. Along with Keith Emerson, other prog keyboard greats who used the Moog include Rick Wakeman, Patrick Moraz and Geoff Downs of Yes, Tony Banks of Genesis, Peter Bardens of Camel, David Sinclair of Caravan, Kerry Minnear of Gentle Giant, and Rick Wright of Pink Floyd.

As digital synthesizers became the standard in the eighties, Bob Moog and his synthesizers declined in importance. However, the mid-nineties saw many bands returning to the classic sound of the Moog and first and second generation Moogs became highly sought after by collectors and musicians, as well as the new synthesizers, theremins and bass pedals Moog was now building. New proponents of Moog products include Portishead, Nine Inch Nails, Air, Jason Mraz, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Crystal Method, and Ricky Martin.

Charles Carlini, a New York City concert promoter, staged Moogfest in May 2004 to mark a half-century since Moog founded his first company while still in college. "A lot of people today don't realize what this man brought to the masses," Carlini said. "He brought electronic music to the masses and changed the way we hear music." He will be sorely missed by many, including myself. And Tarkus, the half-armadillo, half-tank.

Sometimes, it's less the Ending than what's Before It

So as much as I thought CRASH was going to feel like a MAGNOLIA wannabe ... and was disappointed, I managed to experience that same outcome with HAPPY ENDINGS, yet another movie with an ensemble of stars whose lives criss-cross over each other, this time in a supposedly comic way. We know the film is a comedy because the side-titles (like subtitles but to the side of the picture) tell us so in a 'pop-up video' sort of convention which is less than consistent in it success rate. Writer/Director Don Roos likes to play with movie conventions... at least he did in his brilliant 1998 dark comedy THE OPPOSITE OF SEX starring Christina Ricci. He then turned in the unbelievably conventional BOUNCE with Affleck and Paltrow. HAPPY ENDINGS tries to capture some of that independent spirit of his first film (which by the way, features a great performance by Lisa Kudrow), in a more marketable story. Or stories rather. All of which are atleast as complicated in their own right as the one in THE OPPOSITE OF SEX.

This is one of the main issues with the movie, each storyline requires a lot of back story, and this is handled by the sidetitles, which immediately take us out of the scene and we miss dialogue and performances and have to spend time getting reacquainted to the scene when we are done reading, only to have another side title appear. For example, a scene near the opening of the movie with three new characters and new baby immediately side titles with something along the lines of 'Max has two mommies, they were trying use their friend Gil as a sperm donor but after a few monthes told him it wasn't working and got different sperm out of the sperm bank'... that's
a lot of information at the top of the scene. Where CRASH effortlessly handled everything we needed to know about a character in a few snippets of dialogue, Happy Endings gets burdened by it's own back story, where I actually ended up spending large parts of the movie trying to remember the character's histories as the story progessed.

Another major problem with HAPPY ENDINGS is that for a comedy, its not very funny. Some of the performances are amazing and very full of humor but often the situations are not... well, normal comedy situations. And they don't seem to be played for humor. When the side-titles keep telling us it's funny, it's almost as if the director is trying to convince himself.

Not that it isn't a movie worth seeing, Kudrow shows amazing depth of character as she continues to throw off the FRIENDS shackles of Phoebie. Jesse Bradford is very funny as her documentry-making blackmailer. Tom Arnold turns is a great subtle and serious performance as a widower looking for love. And Maggie Gyllenhall ... well, she's always great but this is the first time I've heard her sultry alto voice as she rises from karioke obscurity to lead a hapless band run by Tom Arnold's closeted son. And Bobby Cannavale (The Station Agent) turns another brilliant comedic performance as Javier, Kudrow's massuese/lover.

So it could have been a good movie, it's just very unfocused. And that can only be the fault of the director. No where is it more obvious than the ending, or rather endings of the movie which feel compelled to tie up every piece of the story and are dolled out endlessly over about 10 minutes.

I recommend this movie to fans of any of the above mentioned actors, people who are still recovering from BOUNCE, and people curious about how long your sperm can last in a bank. Rick's Rating: B-

OK, Not that I'm not feeling uninspired....

But I have to give shout outs and lead you to two links that came from other friends... things that have given my hours of hilarity over the last few weeks.

Web site number one is the official page of chicago power pop band OK GO. OK Go released one of the best albums of 2002, featuring the ridiculously catchy get over it. Well, after two years on the road and 6 months writing like 60 songs, they are back. Their new album, Oh No, was produced by same man at the desk of Franz Ferdinand and will be released August 30. I will be seeing them at Stubbs on August 24th. Anyway, the reason you've got to go to this website is to watch the choreographed dance routine the band has developed to go with its new song, A Million Ways. They apparently debuted the dance at the Lollapalooza weekend in Chicago. Thanks to Scott for the lead.

Number two is this crazy free site which from what I gather is yet another on-line dating service, OK Cupid. No, I'm not on the prowl - I have the best wifey-wife ever - but I think they've allowed the CODE they use to match people, to be changed by members to create tests for any number of things, like the WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN A NAZI TEST which tests variables such as anti-tolerance and ultra-patiotism. Erin and I spent like 3 hours last night just taking silly tests and seeing how we rank against the rest of the world (or at least the 100,000 members). You can also test to see which MYTHOLOGICAL GOD your personality is closest to, whether you would survive a ZOMBIE INVASION and WHAT DIRECTOR SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF YOUR LIFE. Craziness. Thanks to Alison for this lead.

You what's funny... they both start with OK. I didn't even realize that when I sat down to blog...

Going to see Happy Endings tonight ... my movie list is getting backed up...

Bill Murray continuing to make me regret selecting Chevy Chase for my Fantasy Team

You know with writer/director Jim Jarmusch (Ghost Dog, Dead Man) that it's atleast going to interesting, and more intellectual than the premise seems, but BROKEN FLOWERS was so good it's like he arrived out of no where. It's like he saw LOST IN TRANSLATION and said 'I can do that... better.' The two movies not only share their star Bill Murray (who will unfortunately probably be forgotten again by the oscars 8 monthes from now) in a detailed and subtle master performance, but both directors give their stories time to set, to live, to just be.

BROKEN FLOWERS is one of the simplest most compact stories in recent memory, and has perfect three act structure. Act One, Murray's life is interrupted by his girlfriend leaving and a note informing he has a son. Act Two, Murray visits each on of his former girlfriends in seperate episodes. Act Three, Murray returns to his life. But that doesn't do justice to the depth the story mines. And Murray is the perfect actor for the role. He looks like he has been through hell and is only now ready to come to terms with it...he is ready to finally grow up. If RUSHMORE announced Murray's rebirth as a film actor, FLOWERS is his graduation from school. I've never been so interested in watching a man drive a car and listen to music.

And Jarmusch is responsible for that. Each individual episode with an ex is a perfect character study. Hillarious and painful. And true. You never need to know anymore you always know there are hours you could watch of each relationship and be entranced. Jarmusch knows exactly watch to put in. And after each one, you are so exhausted you need that decompression time. You need that drive in the country listening to afro-cuban jazz.

I haven't even mentioned the stand out supporting cast, especially the parade of exes - Julie Delpy, Sharon Stone, Frances Conroy, Jessica Lange, and Tilda Swinton - all of whom create such interesting characters they deserve their own movie. And the writing is funny. Very funny. And the cinematography, simple and alluring. I highly recommend this movie to anyone appreciates a good well-made movie, anyone who's ever though 'I wonder what they're doing now,' amateur detectives, and people still recovereding from the MAN WHO KNEW TOO LITTLE. Rick's Rating: A

SPAM chunks in my Pudding

Much to my surprise my Rocky Horror post yesterday elicited 4 spam comments. I don't know how this works, as far as spammers reading blogs and posting their little comments... obviously they would need some sort of program to make it worth the effort. And why was it the Rocky Horror post that got them excited? It is very strange. So I updated my blog's preferences and now only 'registered' users can comment ... I think this just means you have to fill out your email etc. instead of posting as anonymous. Please let me know if you have any problems (you know my email if you are a real person).

So in honor of my first experience with SPAM, I give you the Monty Python Spam Sketch. And I propse this, to test if we can all still post... propose a spam breakfast menu item of your very own...

Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornaysauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Eewwww!
Wife: What do you mean 'Eewwww'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

The Time Warp from 15 years ago

So my wife and I were flippping channels late on friday night after watching a very satisfying Broken Flowers (reveiw to come) and settled upon a pair or rosy red lips on like encore or bravo. "Michael Rennie was ill" the lips sang and I knew was caught. I probably haven't seen the ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW since college but, to land haphazardly on the first lyric from the first song, I couldn't change the channel. And I still knew every word. I looked over at Erin and caught her singing as well.

Rocky Horror was a huge part of my high school experience, from sing alongs at parties to even going as far as ordering the script and planning a production of the stage play the movie was based on (it never happened, of course). My silly friends and I argued unceasingly over who should be in what role. I've got to admit though, looking back on it, what bunch of pathetic fakers we all were. A strange thing happened in 1990, after years of being unavailable, Rocky Horror was released on videotape. Finally, after years of only being able to witness the cult film with hundreds of weirdos in costumes and props, you could watch it in your living room with your parents (I did). You could buy a cd or cassette tape of the audience participation version of the film, so you would know what to scream at the screen. And if you watched the special documentry that was relased that year to commemorate the 15th anniversary you knew what to bring and how to act at a showing. THat's right, no more 'rocky horror virgin embarrassment' as had become the standard. You could pass yourself off as a fan who just moved into the city and fake it.

Or you could do what we did, which was not go to the show at all but instead try to do it in the living room of every house that had a party for like a year. Now I'm sure a few people went into chicago to see it on the big screen, but it was a very few and it was only a couple times. I never went. And I was planning on doing a live stage version. The arrogance. And we didn't even do a good job in our living rooms. Costumes were rare, props were few and far between. It was basically singing-along, jumping up and acting if it was your 'part' and pretending we knew all the oh-so-witty comebacks that people in a real audience would say. It was probably also an excuse to make out with people you weren't dating (this was common amongst my group of friends) .

I'm watching this movie and a few thoughts occur to me. 1) the music stands up to time. The songs are still great. 2) the movie itself is not all that great. watching it in your living room, anytime there is not a song going on you are anxious to get to the next one, or thinking about how awful the acting in the film is (which is intentional, but doesn't make it a more enjoyable experience alone or with a friend ... only with a group of 300 strangers). 3) it really fizzles out at the end. I mean, what little plot there is, is disregarded for a 'stage show', and then RIff Raff and Magenta start gunning people down for no reason and the house takes off. 4) I really ripped myself off and the 15th anniversary release is to blame. If I hadn't been able to watch the movie at home I would have had to go downtown. We all would, and we would have experienced the movie as 15 years of fans before us had. And it would have been something, I don't know, special, instead of very very silly.

So I make this pledge, my children, if and when they come, are not allowed to watch ROCKY HORROR at home until they see it in the theatre with the freaks of the world. They can listen to the cd but not the audience particpation version. They can have a list of props to bring to the show but not information on what to do with them. I think we should all make this pledge. Because it's important. And maybe, if I go with them, and watch them suffer their virgin experience, I too will be able to steal that experience back for myself.

Rick (a.k.a. Eddie)

1 movie, 15 plot lines...the clash between real life and fantasy

I think CRASH has played longer in Austin then anywhere else, mostly on the basis that Sandra Bullock once tried to build a house here. I went to a mid-week matinee showing and was surprised to see 50 other people there. My delay in seeing the Paul Haggis (screenwriter: MILLION DOLLAR BABY) written/directed movie caused mainly by a trailer which bore a striking resemblence to one of my favorite movies of the last few years, MAGNOLIA. Erin saw the film over a month ago and loved it... so I figured I better go see it...

And guess what, it bore a striking resemblence to MAGNOLIA. But that wasn't neccessarily bad. For those who didn't see/can't remember, Paul Thomas Anderson's Magnolia follows a huge ensemble of characters loosely connected by birth or chance encounters, each one spiralling out of control in their own self-created disaster until they stop, sing about it, and are saved by a mystical storm of frogs because, well, "these things happen." And that's the point of the story, chance occurrences are anything but and their is a magical force working in the world. All the stories are tied up and everyone achieves a bloom (like a magnolia flower) by the end of the film.

CRASH says, in the immortal words of Ice T back in the early nineties "shit ain't like that! it's real fucked up!" This film also has an all-star cast and takes place over 24 hours where everyone is loosely connected by birth or chance encounters... but, where Anderson's film leaves you with a feeling that something is protecting us, Haggis seems to be telling us that life is more complex than that. THe way all the story climax one after the other, and the way some resolve well, others, well, not so well ... it rings much truer. Magnolia is a fantasy, it is powerfully created to take us on a journey to an end. Crash is just that, a messy destructive accident that leaves some unharmed and others permanently scarred (or dead). They are equally moving and effective. The ensemble in Crash is phenomenal with standout work from Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser, Terrance Howard and Ludacris (those two need to keep making movies together) and Ryan Phillipe. Sandra turns in what may be the best performance of her career in a role you would never expect. The writing is top-notch and really gets us into the character's lives even with just short snippets. THis is especially exemplery considering Crash had one less hour in which to work than Magnolia. Another advantage that Crash has going for it is a stronger theme rtunning through the film. It is mainly about racism, not the traditional 'we don't serve your kind here,' but the more informative and prevelent snap judgements we make about everyone we meet ... and how those play out in the long run. Crash is very good at making you feel a certain about a character and then showing you an hour later how wrong you were. In fact the only element where Crash fails the comparison is the music, which is at times, over the top and too showy. Of course, Magnolia was essentially written around the songs of Aimee Mann, so you would have to expect they would fit better intot he story.

Still, I highly recommend CRASH for lovers of drama, ensemble stories, people who think they aren't racist, and people considering a move to LA anytime soon :). Rick's Rating: A-

The Tale of Two Suspensions

Yesterday an arbitrator ruled that the original 20 game suspension imposed of Kenny Rogers for assualting a camera man was too harsh. This was Rogers' second appeal, the first being a non-sensical appearance before Bud Selig, the man who laid down the original suspension. The arbitrator felt that 13 games was enough and also converted the $50,000 fine imposed by Selig into a charitable contribution. Today Rogers will face the AL East leading Boston Red Sox, welcome back.

I have said from day one that Selig's punishment was far to harsh... it came only days after Gary Sheffield threw a punch into the stands of Fenway after fan interferrence, but, fortunately for him, he missed. He then shouted at the fans and maintained his distance. Sheffield did not receive a suspension or even a warning. In fact, he was praised by the media for his 'restraint.' But the real comparison I'd like to draw is to our favorite Viagra spokesmen, Raffy Palmeiro. A man who, during the pursuit of one of the most important milestones of any baseball player's career, actively cheated and lied to congress. His suspension was 10 games. That is the mandatory first violation penalty with the anemic drug abuse policy of MLB. What's especially funny is the way these haved been portrayed (by the media and by baseball administrators). Rogers was taken to the police station, released on bail and subject to criminal proceedings. I have no idea what Raffy has been doing lately, he certainly hasn't been talking to anyone. But the last time I checked, isn't using an illegal drug considered illegal? Is it somehow less illegal than a physical confrontation? Is it somehow better behavior exhibited for baseball, better P.R., or maybe... dare I quote Jose Canseco, better business?

Raffy uses steriods for who knows how long, puts up hall of fame numbers, lies to congress, and gets 10 games. Rogers proves he doesn't know when to walk away and when to run, and gets 20 games. It's a simple point. Baseball needs to get its head out of its ass and deal with what is really wrong with the game. It's not one of its journeyman pitchers finally having a great season. It's that fact that the entire legacy of baseball is being threatened by the abundant steriod abuse of the last 10 years that everyone has looked away from. And yes, Raffy's numbers (one of 4 players with 500 Home Runs and 3000 hits) are offensive to history, but the real perpetrator, who is conveniently out with an injury this season, is Barry Bonds. His 73 Home Runs in a season and pursuit of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron's career totals is disgusting. This man has the power to ruin baseball. He's a dirty cheater and he is on record having taken steriods. And no punishment. I don't care if baseball had not drug testing at the time. They should have. Selig needs to stopping worrying about running his little empire and and instead work on saving it.

Cute Creatures Score Big With Hit Movie

The run away family hit of the summer is a documentry. It may not make as much money as silliness like Sky High, but sitting in a packed theater four weeks after opening, I couldn't help but experience what crowds of people already have from MARCH OF THE PENGUINS. This is a story for families, and anyone who wants to have a family. It's a love story, a story of dedication, and a story of overcoming ridiculous adversity. Oh and it has cute baby penguins in it. Morgan Freeman provides the narration for the piece, heartwaming and often funny; he guides us along the journey of Antartica's emperor penguins, who, at 4 feet tall, walk some 70 miles across frozen tundra to their breeding ground and go monthes without food while laying and protecting their eggs. The cinematograpy, not surprisingly, is spectacular. I actually started to freeze in the theater after constant snow storm scenes. Did I mention the cute baby penguins?

The trial these creatures go through is amazing, and I can't imagine a better documentry on penguin breeding, that being said, it did at times feel like something I could have been watching on the discovery channel (which I rarely watch) so be ready. Unlike MURDERBALL which feel like a movie that just happens to be a documentry, this is very much a nature documentry that just happens to be playing in a movie theater. It is well worth seeing it on the big screen though, both for the beautiful snowy vistas and the communal viewing experience. One other word of caution, this is not necessarily for very small children. Nature can be harsh. That's all I am going to say. I cried at several places (yes I am a big baby) but its said. Because the penguin babies are so cute. I recommend this movie for animal lovers, documentry fiends, national geographic subscribers, and people who love Sea World. Rick's Rating: B+

PC Police Arrest Chief Illiniwek

After a few years notable by their absence, the Political Correctness Police once again reared their ridiculous heads into America's universities, this time attacking the most notorious abusers of civil liberties, the college mascot. On Friday the NCAA issued a ban on Native American mascots in post-season tournements, effective Feb 1st. The ban extended not only to the appearance of the character in costume but to the inclusion of the name of the team on uniforms. The NCAA listed 18 schools whose nicknames or mascots were deemed "hostile or abusive" including the Utah Utes, the Florida State Seminoles and the University of Illinois Fighting Illini.

This catastrophy only proves how out-of-touch the NCAA is with university life. A number of the schools is question were named IN HONOR of said tribe, such as the Illini, whose Chief Illiniwek was named after the loose confederation of Algonquin tribes that once lived in the region. The name literally means 'they are men.' Since 1930, the student portraying Chief Illiniwek has appeared in an authentic outfit designed by a member of the Sioux Nation and performs a traditional Indian dance for which he is specially trained. As for FSU, the Seminole Tribe of Florida passed a resolution in June supporting the school's use of the nickname and tribal images. Florida State President T.K. Wetherell blasted the NCAA and threatened legal action. "Florida State University is stunned at the complete lack of appreciation for cultural diversity shown by the National Collegiate Athletic Association's executive committee," Wetherell said Friday in a statement, "that the NCAA would now label our close bond with the Seminole Tribe of Florida as culturally 'hostile and abusive' is both outrageous and insulting."

Myles Brand (president of the NCAA) just doesn't get it. The ban, which is offensive to anyone with intelligence, is not even equally distributed. Football, which has no official postseason tournament (we'll to discuss the BCS mess in monthes to come I'm sure) is not affected. Several schools with nicknames Warriors and Braves were passed over by the ban because they do not use Indian symbols. The North Carolina-Pembroke Braves will not face sanctions because the school's student body has historically admitted a high percentage of American Indians and more than 20 percent of the students are American Indians. Seems pretty arbitrary, huh? Oh and Cheerleading and Band Uniforms at the 'offending schools' have until 2008 to comply...

Let's be honest... teams are named after things that are strong and powerful - things that overcome adversity to succeed. How can that possibily offensive? Not to mention it is an offense to history to suggest that many of the the Native American tribes were not warlike, strong and powerful. It was a part of many nation's culture that their braves prove themselves in battle ... a facet that was taken away and limited by the US governement as we continually encroached on their ceremonial hunting grounds and made them lay down weapons. Are we just saying we shouldn't name our teams after groups of people? To have a team named after you is automatically an offense to your pride? SHould the long suffering industrial workers of Indiana be offended by the the Purdue Boilermakers? How about descendents of Vikings and their bone to pick with Cleveland State? Trojans? Spartans? How about the Raging Cajuns? Or the Hustling Quakers (of Earlham)? Or like the Saints (over 20 schools)? Oh and we haven't even talked about the affront to all barbarian tribes of the Northern Europe circa 400 AD made by the Idaho Vandals. Why is it consider an honor when you call your team the Patriots (George Mason), but an insult when you call them the Chippewas (Central Michigan)? And when will the PETA people join in? Certainly naming all these teams after animals (wolverines, bearcats, longhorns) only instills in peoples minds the brutality of animals when really we should think of them as peaceful creatures of nature.

GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!!! That's really what I have to say. Teams are named out of honor. It is an honory position. You would not want to name your team after something that sucks (see the WNBA for a list of hapless nicknames it is hard to cheer for: the shock, the sparks). And university mascots are part of the great tradition that makes college atheletics so endearing. At the start of a Florida State Football game, a student dressed as Chief Osceola rides onto the field on a spotted horse and plants a flaming spear in the turf. How fucking cool is that? When you start to PC police something like that you are missing the entire point - sports are competitive, competition is part of our national identity, as are Native Americans, are we trying to remove their great legacy from our collective conscience? I hope the schools will fight this silly trend and use it as an opportunity show us, instead, the honor the teams feel being connected to the Native American story.

Jury still out on Supreme Court Nominee

I said weeks ago that we were going to be told how to feel about Herr President's most important nomination, John Roberts, but I must admit, I still an unsure where most people stand. The initial uproarus approval has toned down somewhat amongst the Republicans, and no one in the Democrats seem to know what to make of the man. It may be his sparse record to this point, it may also be the man is really good at hiding what he is really thinking. For my own part I try to glean from various articles and quotes where he is going to stand on certain important issues, and every time I think I know something, something else comes up. Who is this guy and what game is he playing? As far as I can tell, he may not be qualified to be on the supreme court but he also appears to be neither the Devil Incarnate that liberals fear nor the Conquering Hero that conservatives want. From here, he appears to be someone who may in fact do just fine in the position.

I don't want to argue whether or not Roberts is qualified. He clearly isn't. The Supreme Court is an appointment someone reaches after years of services and experience in lower courts. It is the pinnacle of a lifetimes work, not something given to you after 18 months at the district level. I don't want to argue whether or not Roberts is a good lawyer. He clearly is. Everyone keeps referring to him as brilliant and many important people and organizations have depended on his services and advice. Every private meeting Roberts has taken has ended with the Senator in question being convinced of his abilities as a lawyer.

I generally think that a president has the right to appoint whoever he wants. It's part of the job. The senate also has the right to interrogate this person and to fillibuster if they have to, that's their job. I will be interested to see what comes out of the approval hearings, but we will never really know how Roberts will adjudicate until he is there on the bench. I also know this about lawyers in private practice (I happen to be married to a very cute one :) - they often take on cases and clients that they don't agree with, and argue positions they don't fully beleive. IT'S WHAT THEY ARE PAID TO DO. Furtherfore, if the president of the United States of America askes you to write a memo arguing a certain position froma certain side, you do it. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE PAID TO DO.

It has recently come out that the supposedly arch-conservative argued very non-conservative sides of several issues: representing homeless men and women who had lost their government benefits because of city budget cuts, advocating environmental protections for Lake Tahoe, Glacier Bay and the Grand Canyon, and spending 25 hours assisting a convicted murderer with a death penalty appeal. He even helped gay rights activists win a landmark Supreme Court anti-discrimination case. Does that make me feel better about him? Of course. Does it worry the conservatives? Maybe. Do we really know how he stands on those issues? No, although his gay rights work was pro-bono, which you can always turn down. Again, even if he's not completely balanced, he looks like he is able to see it from the other side, which is important, and something a few of our current supreme court judges can't do.

So here you have it, I say put him on. I don't think Herr President has any better up his sleeve and Roberts at least looks capable of forming his own opinions.

WHo Would Have Thought Viagra Could Have Such An Effect on your Swing?

So Rafael Palmeiro is a steriod user. Add him to the list of meaningless accomplishments of the last ten years in basebal. Raffy, Barry, Jose, McGwire, Sammy, Bret Boone. Oh, did I say that? Am I just bitter because he hit .170 for the twins in his month try-out. Probably. But I point it out to show the pure meaninglessness of statistics amassed in the last ten years. Palmeiro recently became only the fourth player in history to collect 500 Home RUns and 3000 hits. Even Babe Ruth never did that. But, like Barry Bonds 73 dingers, its completely utterly bullshit. The 'steriod era' as we are now going to refer to it, is generally believed to have begun in 1993 or 94. Raffy's numbers prior to 93? Season totals of 8, 8, 14, 26, 22. In 1993 Raffy turned 29, the age at which most plays 'top out.' His next 5 full season totals? 37,39,39,38,43. Then at age 35 he hits 47 home runs, a feat he repeats at age 37. Come on. THis is a guy who hit 8 home runs in his athletic prime. I know people can improve their swing - but that's an awful lot of improvement.

Raffy has Hall of Fame numbers for sure, but they are hardly legit, and his legacy is totally in question now as he under investigation for lying under oath to congress. But Raffy is really just the new whipping boy for Steroids. Bonds has had that job for last two years, but he's not playing so we need someone new to turn on. THe problem with this mentality is it really takes the focus away on how WIDESPREAD the problem is. It is not a few players, its the fact that the WHOLE FRICKING LEAGUE conspired to turn the other ways as mediocre players racked up huge numbers got big pay checks and filled seats. Lets look at another player, Brett Boone. Boone has played his entire career in the Steriod Era. His 250 HRs as a second basemen make him an outside shot at the Hall at best, his .266 batting average will not help. But here's a guy who hit an average of 12 homers a year for the first five years of his carear, managed to scrape out 24, 20, and 19 and then suddenly hit 35 at age 33. What? (Oh he also hit .331 that year). This is not a high profile player, just a 2nd basemen who decided he wanted to be a little more competitive.

I can't help but look at ever player now a wonder, does he, doesn't he? 10 game suspensions are a joke. One of the greatest baseball players of all time was banned for throwing a world series he hit .367 during. If someone is actively cheating they are ruining the game. Until DOnald Fehr and the silly players association gets behind the drug testing policy whole-heartedly we'll never really know if our favorite players are superstars, or just super pharmcy shoppers.

Must Love John Cusack (or at least pity him after this)

Romantic Comedies are pretty predictable - and fall under the guy meets girls guy loses girl guy gets girl formula - I know, I am writing one right now. THat doesn't mean they can't be funny, fresh and exciting. The great rom-coms, like WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, or say HIGH FIDELITY, sparkle with their witty insightful understanding of the human condition. MUST LOVE DOGS, unfortunately, only insight seems to be that older women better find a man soon or their family will hound her to they do. The pure sexism of the script (adapted by a tv scribe from someone else's book) is especially offensive, considering this movie's target audience - it may be the only movie of the summer aimed at women over the age of 25. The movie goes even as far as to make the male hero (Cusack) almost blameless, whereas the Diane Lane, the protagonist, comes off as puttering, irresponsible, desperate, and kind of, well, easy.

Don't get me wrong, there are moments of the MUST LOVE DOGS that are very funny. John Cusack is incredibly endearing, and every scene he is in is atleast amusing. His scenes with Lane are, as they should be, the highlight of the film. They have a real chemistry on screen. SOmetimes their dialogue gets bogged down in somewhat hokey writing which doesn't feel like things anyone would say, but usually the delivery rises above it. Other good performances are turned in by Stockard Channing, as the Lane's father's girlfriend, and Glenn Howerton, as Cusack's sleazy lawyer friend.

The movie really takes a turn for the dull in the third act where it plays out like a paint-by-numbers sreenplay, with dialogue repeated from earlier, chance meetings, voice overs, and pay-offs on comments like 'I'd never get in a boat' ... It really kind of fall apart in the end, but of course they do get together and everyone is happy, even the butcher at the local grocery story who has twice before looked down on Lane because she wanted to buy a single chicken breast. Overall not very inspiring and pretty offensive to the feminist inside of me. It's not a bad movie, its just one that could have been made a lot better with talent invested in the cast. The movie is recommended for huge fans of John Cusack, mopey people who want reflections of their mopiness, a year and half from now on HBO, and those who local cinema is only showing one movie, this one. Rick's Rating: C+

Herr President Shoves 'Tempermental Jerk' into UN Job

So once again Herr President has shown himself completely ignorant of a) the way appointments work, b) the importance of the UN and c) what most Americans feel. Despite a recent poll showing that 71% of AMericans didn't believe Bolton should receive a recess appointment, there he was, standing up on a podium... a place that Democrats and at least one prominent Republican have been trying to keep him from ... at least until they had enough information to make a decision about his capability to fill the post.

This was never an argument about whether or not Bolton could do the job ... that could not be adequately discussed because of the WHite House's continual reluctance to release documents. What are they hiding? I mean, if they didn't make him look bad, why not release them? Obviously there is something in the documents that reflect poorly upon Bolton's ability to do the job. Carl Ford, the former chief of the State Department's Bureau of Intelligence and Research, called Bolton "a quintessential kiss-up, kick-down sort of guy" and a "serial abuser" of subordinates. Is someone we want representing our country at the UN?

The UN is becoming increasingly important in shaping the world. Whereas Herr President has often igored its importance in the past (by say going to war), and the US has a long history of slighting the UN (we've never paid our yearly dues for membership), the UN has been critical in bringing together allies and enemies to talk rather than fight... the porpuse of its creation. With more and more rogue states popping up, a unified global front will be especially important, and only a body like the UN can provide that.

Of course, the US has decided to be represented at this all important global stage by a man who has dismissed its importance. Would you hire me for a job at a company I didn't think was very important? Come on, that's ridiculous. THis is yet another example of Herr President's gross abuse of power. I can only hope that the appointment of a guy who looks like my former high school physics teacher to international diplomacy doesn't come back to haunt us.

It's that time in the summer I always feel like I need to WHOOP THAT TRICK.

Have you seen the trailers for the latest John Singleton movie? That silly thing with Mark Wahlberg and his black brothers revenging the murder of their adoption agency working mother? Anyone see 2 Fast 2 Furious? How about that awful remake of Shaft? In the first half of the ninties, Singleton made 2 of my favorite films of all time, Boyz in the Hood and Higher Learning - if you missed either of them you are doing yourself a disservice. I remember being entranced the morning after Prom, watching HBO with my very whiote girlfirend in her very suburban home, in awe of the talent in Singleton's first flick. What the hell happened to this guy?

Singleton however shows up as producer of the movie he certainly wishes he had made, the near-perfect HUSTLE AND FLOW, a gritty rags to (about to be) riches story of a pimp who goes legit to be a rapper. I cannot say enough about the cast, all of whom turn out breathtaking and full performances. Every character in the film has an arc and each actor fills their screen time with deft control and luminescent brillance. The cinematagrophy captures the life, lots of nice long establishing shots of the dirty south. Of course, with a movie about a rapper you gotta have the music to back it and HUSTLE really comes through here, both with the music selection and the original music 'composed' by D-JAY for the movie, which is really fricking good (and it takes a lot for me to like hip-hop/rap) .

This is a solid movie with mass market appeal - I am not surprised that MTV jumped on board to help with distribution. I hope that we will see much more from first time writer/director craig brewer and he does not follow too closely the path of Singleton and start making studio trash. I recommend HUSTLE AND FLOW for anyone who likes good movies, fans of hip-hop, fans of Boyz in the Hood, and anyone with a need to Whoop that Trick! Rick's Rating - A

p.s. Mom ... you will like the ending - go see this movie.